… CAN BE DEVASTATING
Miscarriage
Diagnosis of foetal abnormality
Still-birth
Termination of pregnancy
Can be an intensely distressing time in your life
“Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life. Be the light that helps others see; it is what gives life its deepest significance.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Unexpected Pregnancy
If our pregnancy is planned and wanted, it is meant to be the happiest time in our lives. So when something goes wrong, it is devastating and rips our world apart.
On the other hand, if we find ourselves pregnant unexpectedly, at the wrong time in our lives, then that can be equally distressing.
Both situations completely shatter our plans for our future, and leave us with a future we do not want, or have any control over.
Therapy can help
Talking to a therapist can be helpful. You won’t need to worry about my feelings, or upsetting me, the way you might about telling a relative or friend.
I can bear witness to your pain and distress, and help you find a way to go on with your terrible loss.
Miscarriage
Not uncommon
Then you find yourself an unwilling member of a secret group you never wanted to join.
Secret pain
It is generally accepted that you should not tell people about your pregnancy until you are 3 months pregnant ‘just in case’.
That ‘just in case’ is miscarriage and often, because you haven’t told anyone, there is no-one to comfort you and your partner.
You then have to decide whether to keep your pain secret or tell those you love that you were pregnant and now aren’t. This can feel like an impossible choice in such difficult circumstances.
Diagnosis of Foetal Abnormality
Hiding your emotions
You will probably not want to make those around you more upset by letting them know the level of your distress.
You may feel that they would not be able to cope with your distress. A therapist can bear to hear about your pain and will give you the space to say whatever you need to, as many times as you want to.
Still Birth
Earth shattering loss
All births are scary, but when something goes wrong and you lose your baby it is earth shattering. All your plans and dreams for the future are snatched away from you and it feels like something you can never get over.
No-one to talk to
Other people often do not know what to say to you, and you can feel completely alone. Your partner and family are also grieving and sometimes it can feel like they are on a different page to you. This is where a therapist, who is not involved with the rest of your world can be so supportive.
Termination of Pregnancy
Unexpected feelings
There are many reasons for terminating a pregnancy, but even if you are sure that it is the right decision for you, it can still leave you with unexpected and distressing feelings.
It can be really helpful to explore these with a therapist – someone who will not judge your choices or reactions to them.
We generally think of scans as a time of excitement and the screening tests as just routine, but if a problem is found it is devastating.
These situations are full of uncertainty and distress and it can be a support to find someone who is not part of your family or friendship group to talk to.
